Friday, May 28, 2010

I don't want to be a little old lady




I just went to the grocery store for some eggs and bacon. I ended up almost passing out, getting my soul saved, groceries bought for me and my husband rescued me and drove me home. It's enough to make one want to drink.



In a sister blog called Living With A Sarcoma a young woman wrote 10 commandments. I am having trouble with No. 4:


4 - Accept your limitations and adapt to your new life. I learned to say no to many people. I accepted the fact that I could no longer work full time. I learned not to plan more than one thing a day. I learned that I can no longer multitask. I learned to schedule things for the hours I had more energy. I learned to accept that my energy level no longer went hand in hand with my enthusiasm.




I feel strong inside.
I can visualize myself being active down to the tiniest detail.
But I look like a gray haired, flat chested woman bobbing along with a cane.I look weak so I try to remember to keep my head up and smile a lot.
And then I can't make it through a little shopping trip.
While God was telling my rescuer/friend to pray for me, I was asking God why I was now an object of pity too weak to run away from my helpers.
Trying to talk my rescuer/friend out of saving me and buying my groceries probably helped my blood pressure to normalize:) I tried to be graceful about it. She told Charley that God wanted her to buy my groceries.

To help myself not fall into fear of going out, I called a nearby friend to help me get the car from the parking lot at HEB. We went out for Elevation burgers and got the car after the sunset and things started to cool.

The difference between the inside me and the outside me is what is bugging me.

Hopefully as I recover from fatigue I can bring the two closer together. Peggy

Friday, May 21, 2010

All Clear

Blood tests, x-rays and CT scans find no evidence of cancer. I am good for another 3 months.
The screw loose in my leg has finished its job. Now if it will stay where and how it is, no surgery for removal is needed.

My fatigue is normal. Apparently having had major surgery last month under general anesthetic means that my fatigue is normal. I should feel normal by mid July.

Saturday, May 15, 2010

Screening


I am going for consultations and screening at University of Texas M. D. Anderson Cancer Center




I have a screw loose in my leg - perhaps pushed out by healing bone? and they will scan my chest for signs of spreading cancer.


I expect good results but it is always tense waiting for the results.

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Is it OK to Kill Your Kid?



7 Summits (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Seven_Summits ) Not a bucket list but a climbing goal for the young and strong.




Thirteen-year-old Jordan Romero is attempting to be the youngest person ever to climb the summit of Mount Everest. Robert Siegel talks to Jordan about his journey.

Jordan has had a dream since he was 9 years old of climbing Everest. His father started him on a path to make that happen through training and climbing. Now he, his father and his father's girl friend ate going to climb Everest.




Earlier I blogged about cancer and reading Into Thin Air: A Personal Account of the Mt. Everest Disaster by Jon Krakauer
This was at a time that I was recovering from chemo. I felt so fatigued and exercise made me feel oxygen deprived. I could relate to the oxygen deprived thinking and feeling as I read Jon Krakauer's book version of the original article that appeared in Outside Magazine.

The thought of climbing with or sending a 13 year old up Everest strikes me as too much to expect and dangerous. Dangerous for the kid and dangerous for the team.



http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Into_Thin_Air )



Into Teen Air




http://outside.away.com/outside/culture/201004/jordan-romero-teenager-extreme-adventure-everest-1.html





"All this kid stuff is raising eyebrows in the adventure community—and sometimes the legal community as well. Polling a number of well-known Everest climbers and guides, I couldn't find one who thought that leading a 13-year-old up the world's highest mountain was a particularly good idea. Though a climber that young might possess the necessary stamina, most had serious reservations about a teen's emotional strength, psychological awareness, and plain old know-how. "I do not see how young people under the age of 18 can gain enough experience about mountaineering or themselves to undertake such a project safely," said Russell Brice, one of Everest's most successful guides. ...Aside from Jordan's age, the most controversial aspect of Team Romero's Everest attempt is this: They'll climb without a guide. ... The combination of record setting and high altitude could make for a similarly tragic mix. Age records have a built-in deadline: Either you grab the ring by a certain age or you don't. That's precisely the wrong attitude to take into the Death Zone."



There it is - the Death Zone. If physical preparedness is not enough to survive Everest without mental maturity to evaluate and judge situations under duress then can a teenage brain ever be ready without a large portion of luck and guidance?




"Few studies have been done on kids at altitude, but what science can tell us is this: The teenage brain works differently. In the past decade, MRI technology has shown that the adolescent brain is only about 80 percent developed. The areas that control spatial, sensory, auditory, and language functions are mature, but the frontal lobe, which handles reasoning, planning, and judgment, isn't fully grown until a person's mid-twenties. ... Their parents will think, They've done this and that—they're ready for the much bigger challenge. But the kid's brain is still developing.
The other issue is the effects of altitude on those maturing brains. "Thirteen-year-olds on Everest are guinea pigs," says R. Douglas Fields, chief of nervous-system development at the National Institutes of Health. "The combination of factors experienced in mountaineering hypoxia—dehydration, exhaustion, cold, lack of sleep, and all the rest—make it difficult to say how a child's brain would be affected.""



http://outside.away.com/outside/destinations/199609/199609_into_thin_air_1.html





Jon describes his condition at Base Camp - remember this is a grown man who has been in excellent physical condition his whole life:




"Despite the many trappings of civilization at Base Camp, there was no forgetting that we were more than three miles above sea level. Walking to the mess tent at mealtime left me wheezing to catch my breath. If I sat up too quickly, my head reeled and vertigo set in. I developed a dry, hacking cough that would steadily worsen over the next six weeks. Cuts and scrapes refused to heal. I was rarely hungry, a sign that my oxygen-deprived stomach had shut down and my body had begun to consume itself for sustenance. My arms and legs gradually began to wither to toothpicks, and by expedition's end I would weigh 25 pounds less than when I left Seattle. "




He was not even at the Death Zone, above 25,000 feet. The summit is 29,028 ft above sea level. In the death zone you are too high up to count on rescue. Your would be rescuers are barely surviving, too. Plenty of people have reached the summit only to be left for dead on the way down.




"Climbing mountains will never be a safe, predictable, rule-bound enterprise. It is an activity that idealizes risk-taking; its most celebrated figures have always been those who stuck their necks out the farthest and managed to get away with it. Climbers, as a species, are simply not distinguished by an excess of common sense. And that holds especially true for Everest climbers: When presented with a chance to reach the planet's highest summit, people are surprisingly quick to abandon prudence altogether."

People on their way up don't easily give up the summit in excahnge for saving a life. Do you want to rationalize your kid past someone dieing just to set a record? Do you want your kid left for dead? Do you want to kill your kid? Men and women have died on this mountain. Kids will now get that chance, too, before their lives have started.


Nova - Everest Death Zone - scientific look at high altitude sickness

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=1788082149157525822#

friends in cancer

Dana Jennings has been writing an interesting blog for the NY Times. You can find it here
http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2010/05/11/the-friendship-of-cancer/?hp

Dana sez:
In telling our cancer stories, by refusing to be silent, by declining to hide behind stoicism, we take ownership of them, maybe even have a chance to understand them. They’re our stories, and we need to insist on that fact. We shouldn’t cede them to grieving family members, mystified friends or hard-pressed doctors and nurses.

I do it to help understand what is happening and to remember since chemo has placed blanks in my memory.

Thursday, May 6, 2010

Keep Smiling


I am angry at death right now for taking people away.


Today I was remembering my Dad's memorial service. There were people there who were his students and colleagues. They had not been there during his 11 years of decline and dementia. Of course we missed their support and understood the pain of loosing this great creative leader, my Dad.


Because they were not there for the disease their stories were of my Dad being a father and mentor to them. They restored to us the person we lost to the disease. It was a great gift I will always treasure.

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

The Road to Hell



Today I am thinking about the death of a young man some 15 years ago. He was 34 going on 35 at the time of his death.


Whether you count addiction stages as three, four or five, they all lead to death if intervention is not successful. Some people die before they get to end stages.


No matter how brilliant or talented the addict is, the disease progresses through it's stages binding the person. They can rage at rules and judgements placed on them, but when sobriety feels abnormal addiction rules and binds.


As the disease progresses, some people turn to using cocaine to prolong the amount of time they can walk and drink. It helps them cover and lie about how drinking is binding their life.

Worse yet, combining alcohol and powder cocaine can form cocaethylene in the liver, a metabolite that can enhance pleasure but significantly increase the risk of heart attack or sudden death.

Death means that there will be no recovery. It's all over. The promise, the brillance, the talent, the love is all gone.




Notes:


A 2003 study by scientists at the University of California's Drug Dependence Research Centre noted: "The combined use of alcohol and cocaine can produce a sense of increased and prolonged euphoria, compared with the use of either substance on its own. "This claim is disputed by some scientific studies. But what seems irrefutable is that the two drugs can "stretch the good times", as one regular cocaine and alcohol binger told the Observer. "I can drink for ever on coke," said Dave, a 28-year-old electrician from Manchester. "Without it, things can go downhill very fast."
His comments are backed up by independent research. The respected magazine Druglink reported that a 2006 analysis of 102 alcohol and cocaine users, carried out by the UK National Addiction Centre, found strong links between snorting cocaine and long, heavy drinking sessions. Almost half of regular powder cocaine users questioned for the analysis said that their last heavy drinking episode had lasted more than 12 hours.